Disclaimer: Bakuretsu Hunters belongs to Akahori Satoru and Omishi Rei. I make no profit from this.

<))---((>= loudspeaker
italics= equal thought or flashback

BTW ~ In this AU Gateau and Carrot like each other even less than they usually do, because they aren't teammates so all they have in relation is the fact that Gateau is trying to get into Carrot's little brother's pants. ^^;

Once upon a time there lived a dutiful mother and wife named Apricot Glaces, an exuberant father and husband named Onion Glaces, an intelligent son and bishounen named Marron Glaces, and a goofy son and lecher named Carrot Glaces.

One day, when Marron was off at the market buying food Onion asked his eldest, Carrot, to go out and chop some firewood for the family.

"But why can't you do it Dad?" Carrot whined. He had already lost two hours of precious girl-chasing time helping his mother can yams.

"It'll be good for you son! Put some hair on your chest. You're too scrawny as it is." Onion laughed heartily and slapped his son hard on the back. Carrot staggered, chuckling weakly.

"Sure Dad. I'll go."

"Take this with you Carrot," Apricot said, coming into the room. She handed him a small bundle of freshbaked bread, blue-cheese, and a container of juice.

"Gee, thanks Mom," Carrot said, grinning. He took up his father's heavy ax -trying, unsuccessfully, not to grunt as he did so- and went on his way.

Into the forest he walked, heading towards where he knew the trees were thickest. No sooner had his home been obscured by trees, though, that he heard a feminine, yet distinctly husky voice.

"Yoo hoo!"

He turned around. His jaw dropped and hearts burst from his eyes. Leaning casually against a tree with her arms crossed was a beautiful woman, her long violet hair swept up into a ponytail. She smiled at him with vivid golden eyes set in an elegantly tapered face with a single red dot decorating her forehead.

"What're you doing all by your lonesome in these parts, handsome?" She flirted, tossing her head.

In seconds Carrot was before her, her hands clasped in his.

"It must be fate babe, cause how else could I have met a gorgeous female specimen like yourself?"

She giggled girlishly, and Carrot grinned. Score.

"The names Glaces, Carrot Glaces, but ah-," He cocked his head, displaying his best profile. "You can call me the 'Love-Machine.'"

The woman giggled again, harder this time, and Carrot could feel his face splitting into a grin. Yes, yes, yes!

"The names Milphy Yu, and ah-," She beckoned him closer with one finger. Leaning foreward she finished with a whisper, "-And you can call me a man."

Carrot's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. The now decidedly male Milphy Yu laughed hysterically as he struggled to achieve coherency.

"WAH! Uh... wha... huh... wai!?"

Any chance to do so was then averted as Milphy Yu took the opportunity to place a big one smack dab on Carrot's lips.

----

When Carrot came to, Milphy Yu was seated beside his prone form, munching on the bread his mother had packed him.

"Hey!"

"Now, now honey, don't be greedy, it's always nice to treat a lady," He chided between bites.

"Bu-But you're a- URGH!" Carrot stammered as he wrapped his arms around his neck and squeezed.

"Thanks bunches for the meal sweetheart. In exchange, I'll give you a reward, huh, how's that sound?"

"M-Milphy Yu cut it out! I'm not... I mean I don't... I mean it's... not like... uh..."

Milpher Yu giggled again.

"Oh not that honey. Listen here."

He released the toungue-tied Carrot and stood to walk over to the tree he'd been leaning against before. Carrot shakily followed suit.

"See this tree here?" Carrot nodded. "Cut it down and at the base you'll find a treasure. Don't spend it all in one place!" He turned to go.

"W-wait! What do you mean treasure?"

"You'll find out soon enough Carrot. Thanks again for the food, Ja!" Milphy Yu vanished into the trees.

"Geez," Carrot said, taking up his axe at the sturdy oak. "This'd better be good."

----

Carrot paused in his energies, his axe falling from tired fingers. It seemed like he'd been chopping for hours now, and the tree was barely dented. He leaned against the oak, panting.

"Ah man, this better be some treasure."

No sooner had he finished the word 'treasure' than the tree snapped under his weight, carrying itself and him to the forest floor. Stunned, Carrot mumbled, "Hm. Looks like I did more damage than I'd thought."

Carrot stood up and dusted himself off. Peering into the hollow of the tree, he gasped.

Preening itself daintily in the remains of the fallen tree was goose, rich gold in color. It looked up, blinked at him, and honked.

"Wow..." Carrot breathed, picking up the bird. It sat placidly in his arms. Carrot fingered a feather, thin and delicate like foil.

"These are real!" The goose honked as if in agreement. Carrot grinned, searching his mind for possible uses of a treasure like this. As usual, his mind locked on a member of the feminine persuasion...

FLASHBACK

"What light from yonder window breaks!" Carrot, grinning, called in a stage whisper. "It is the east, and Princess Dota is the sun!"

"Oh Carrot, your such a kidder," Princess Dota giggled, smiling down at the ecstatic boy clinging like a spider monkey to the rose terrace beneath her bedroom window. He was so silly, coming all this way in the middle of the night just to serenade her.

"Who could kid about the cuteness of a girl like you?" Carrot flattered, leaning closer.

"Well, you're right about that," Dota concided, giggling again.

Smitten, Carrot countinued. "In fact, for cuteness like yours I'd travel to the ends of the earth! I'd search far and wide for a treasure that could hope to be worthy of your sheer adorability."

Dota giggled again. "Well, if you're gonna find something half as cute as me, you'd better start looking."

"Huh? Uh.."

Carrot gave her a trapped look. Giggling once more, Princess Dota shut her window and went to bed. Outside, Carrot and the terrace thumped to the ground.

END FLASHBACK

"That's it!" Carrot squealed, super-deforming at the thought of the cute, winged princess. "A babe like Dota would surely appreciate a present like this!" With that, Chibi-Carrot scurried towards the castle village, the rare fowl tucked safely under his arm.

----

Meanwhile:

Marron weighed the plum in his right hand against the plum in his left.

"Hm," He mused quietly. "This one is slightly weightier, but this one is more freshly colored."

Marron assessed the merits of each fruit, determined to do it right just like everything else. He leaned against the clay wall next to the fruit sellers stall, idly wondering where his brother was. He was usually causing a ruckus chasing skirts around the village by now. Probably detained by chores, Marron concluded.

"Yo, Marron," a familiar sexy baritone greeted him. Marron looked up to met the blue, blue eyes of of Gateau Mocha, his ardent admirer for quite a while now. Marron was a bit daunted by the attention. Not to say that it was a bad thing.

"Hello Gateau, I haven't seen you in a while."

Gateau ran his fingers through his short-cropped blond hair, flashing Marron a winnning smile. "Well, I've been around. Glad to catch you without that idiot brother of yours."

Marron stifled a sigh at the mention of his brother. His over-protective elder sibling was always at odds with Gateau over his intrest in Marron, and it looked like there'd be trouble in paradise for some time to come.

"And I was wondering, you know..." Gateau suddenly looked alot less sure of himself. Marron waited.

"If you'd like to... go out someplace... with me... tonight." Gateau raised his eyes expectantly.

Marron smiled.

"That'd be nice."

Relief broke out across Gateau's face, to be quickly replaced by gladful acceptance.

"Great! So... how does Deetosupotto* sound? Great scenery, nice and quiet, hardly anyone around..." Gateau, with growing confidence, whispered suggestively. He leaned foreward, placing both hands on the wall at either side of Marron's head.

The next thing he knew, he had a plum between his expectant lips.

"Let's not push it," said Marron with amusement.

----

SD Carrot skipped happily into the village, his golden goose tucked under his arm as visions of Dota danced in his head. Suddenly, his stomach growled.

"Hmmm," he mumbled, rubbing his tummy with a little hand. Suddenly, he noticed the building he stood in front of.

"Misu Inn!" He exclaimed happily. It was a new inn owned by his oldest friends, the young entrepreneurs Tira and Chocolate. They tended to act a little... crazy over him, but they could be counted on for a meal on his way to the castle.

Skipping happily inside, he was greeted by a full-fledged glomp as Chocolate bowled into him.

"Darling, you're small!" She exclaimed.

"Erk..." Carrot wheezed as she squeezed tightly.

"Cut it out Chocolate, that's no way to behave!" Tira exclaimed, coming out of the kitchen. She looked on as Chocolate scandalously smooched little Carrot on the top of the head, finally releasing him to scurry over to a table.

"I'm hungry!" Carrot declared. "Can I have some lunch?"

"Awww, Darling of course!" Chocolate declared. Tira nodded in agreement, smiling at the kawaii Chibi-Carrot. She plopped a plate of purin in front of him, causing him to squeal in joy before digging in. Smiling, Chocolate and Tira watched him finish up his pudding in record time.

Blinking, Carrot mumbled, "Gotta go to the bathroom." With that, he hopped out of his chair and trotted out of the room. Tira and Chocolate smiled after him.

"H-hey! Look what Darling's got here!" Chocolate exclaimed, finally noticing the golden goose preening itself on the table.

"Wow, I wonder where he got it?" Tira mused.

Reaching out a hand, Chocolate gingerly fingered a gilded wing.

"Honk!" said the goose.

"Waaii! Tira, I can't get free!" Chocolate exclaimed, panicking as she realized she couldn't remove her hand.

"Here, let me help," Tira said, a little bit impatiently as she grabbed hold of her sister's arm and pulled.

"Honk honk!" Went the goose.

"Aeeii! you're right, I can't let go!" Tira desperately tried to remove her hand from her sister's arm, to no avail.

"Waahh!!!" They yelled, immediately super-deforming in fright.

"What's goin' on," Carrot asked, walking back into the room. Behind him was the sound of a toilet flushing.

"Darling we're/ Carrot you've/ stuck/ gotta help/ to your/ us/ goose!" the Misu sisters babbled at the same time, nearly in tears.

"Hmmm," Carrot mused, tugging on his equally chibi friends experimentally. "You certainly are stuck."

The goose honked in agreement.

Just them, an oxcart with a megaphone attached to the top rolled by.

<)) Attention all Spooner Kingdom! Princess Dota has agreed to accept the hand in marriage of any man that can present her with a gift as cute as herself. Over!((>

Well, if you're gonna find something half as cute as me, you'd better start looking.

"Of course!" Hearts jumped in his eyes. "She was serious! I have a chance!"

"Darling! When I get my hands free I'll-!"

"Carrot! You flirtatious-!"

"Sorry girls," said Carrot, taking the goose up under his arm, Tira and Chocolate attached. "But you'll have to come with me. Love calls!" Laughing maniacally, he scurried down the street, two cursing redheads close behind.

----

"O-oniisan?" Marron blinked as his miniature sized brother rounded the corner, what looked to be a golden goose under his arm with a tantrum throwing Chocolate and Tira trailing behind.

"Great, here comes the shrimp," Gateau intoned glumly, arms crossed.

"Marron, what're you doing here?" Carrot asked, halting the procession. He noted the blond body-builder and his mood soured. "Gateau."

"Geez, you're even more of a pipsqueak that usual today." Gateau responded, kneeling down to casually pat Chibi-Carrot on the head.

"Don't patronize me! You wouldn't be talking about anything perverted with my little brother, whould you?"

"Oniisan!" Marron looked scadalized.

"None of your business, baka."

"Gateau." Marron looked long-suffering.

As Gateau kept the wildly flailing Carrot at bay by a finger to his forehead, Marron turned his attention to the stumbling Chocolate and Tira they followed the goose around as it ambled in circles. They seemed firmly attached.

"Tasukete! Marron, get us free!" They cried.

"All right," Marron aquiscensed, and took a hold of Tira's shoulder's to pull.

"Honk honk honk!" Laughed the goose.

"Eh? O-oniisan, Gateau, I'm stuck!" Startled beyond his wits, he super-deformed.

"Huh? Marron?" Gateau casually shoved the enraged Chibi-Carrot away from him and trotted over to the panicking little magic user.

"Here, I'll get you free." Gateau wrapped his arms around Marron's waist to pull.

"Uh... er, Gateau mabye you'd better not-!"

"Honk honk, honk honk!" Too late.

"Ack! What the-?" Gateau found his arms would not budge from their resting place. It was when he noticed where that resting place was that he super-deformed, hearts in his eyes.

"W-wau..." He mumbled. Marron gave a chibi sigh of exasperation.

"Gateau no hentai!" Carrot shouted, noticing as well where on his otoutosan's person Gateau arms were.

<)) Listen up, listen good Spooner Kingdom!((> A passing oxcart shouted. <)) Today is the last day of the cuteness contest to win Princess Dota's hand! The judging ends at noon; you'd better hurry! ((>

"Noon?" Carrot frowned, looking at his watch.

"WAAIII! 11:45!"

Taking up his goose, he scurried for the castle.

"No time to free you guys now, true love awaits!"

"Darling, don't go so fast!"

"Wah! Oneechan, you stepped on my foot!"

"Minna-san, if we stayed in time, we wouldn't stumble so much!"

"...W-wau..."

----

"That is so not cuter than me! REJECTED!" A small black and yellow blur sailed out the castle door, a 'bwee' on it's lips.

"Next!"

A tall, heavily armored form glided into the reception hall, his amethyst hair gathered up un his head. Haz-Knight Milphy Yu bowed before the gently smiling Queen Mamu and pouting Princess Dota at her side.

"You have one last suitor, Princess."

"They'd better make it quick. Honestly, how did I ever agree to this pointless search? There isn't anything in the world cuter than me. Right Momma?"

"We'll see Daughter, we'll see." said Queen Mamu mysteriously. Just then Carrot's entourage entered the ballroom at breakneck speed.

"I'm here baby!"

"Darling, why you..!"

"Carrot, when I get my hands on you..!"

"Don't be so hasty, Oniisan!"

"Slow down you little hentai!"

Dota smiled with intrest. "Oh, it's Carrot! And a chibi conga line; kawaii!"

She skipped/flew over to the frantically screaming chibis chasing each other round and round in circles.

"Hmmm... something missing..."

"Honk honk, honk honk honk." The goose nodded sagely.

"Nothing can be truely cute without me in it," SD Dota giggled, fluttering in the air above the goose whose golden flank she touched.

"We have a winner," Queen Mamu said, smiling.

"Not if we can help it!" The Misu sisters shouted, suddenly in battle gear.

"Marron, how are we gonna get free in time for our date?"

"NANI! Keep your perverted hands off my little brother!"

"Yare, yare..." Marron sighed.

"Is there a moral to this?" The crossdresser-turned-knight asked the heavens. It was hard to keep a stoic facade after your own meddling results in a chibi meelee.

"Honk." The goose winked.

* Just means "date spot"

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